All over the world, the arrival of a child is anticipated with intense excitement and euphoric celebration.
This is not peculiar to only the parents but to all their relatives and persons close to them.
The Igbos ( a majority ethnic group in Nigeria ) are not left out as they have an ancient custom that highlights the significance of childbirth and most importantly the exigency of post natal care to nursing mothers.
This ancient conventional care administered to nursing mothers and their babies is known as omugwo.
The Palaver
Recently, a friend delivered a set of twins abroad. Being a first time Mom she was a little overwhelmed and sent to have her mom travel down as expected only for her husband to refuse it, because he would prefer his own mother to visit.
This issue went on for several weeks after the arrival of their babies and the lady gradually accepted the fact that her mom won't be coming for Omugwo. It was hard explaining to the excited maternal grandmother who had booked her flight in advance. She felt cheated and blamed it on their tribal differences. The husband was Yoruba while the lady was Igbo.
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Postpartum Care
Women experience a lot of changes after giving birth, these changes include; mood swings, loss of appetite, overwhelming fatigue, withdrawal from family, difficulty bonding with the baby/babies, insomnia, random thoughts of harming herself or the baby e.t.c If she's not given adequate medical, physiological and emotional support, postpartum depression might set in. The new Mom shouldn't be left to do strenuous activity, instead all her needs should be attended to by her mother, husband, sister or any other person around her.
My Opinion
Personally, I think the maternal grandmother should visit because she'll be more receptive to the changes in her daughter. If the maternal grandmom is late or indisposed, a female relative on the woman's side should volunteer to take care of the new Mom. Actually there are rare cases in which the new Mom requests to have her mother-in-law, could be as a result of good rapport between the families or a decision made by the couple prior/after the delivery of the child or children as the case may be, then by all means she should visit.
I'm not married yet so I don't have first-hand knowledge of how couples make decisions, but I think it's fair if the would-be mother is given the liberty to choose who she's more comfortable with. There might be a disparity between them but not for long.
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Also, there should be an agreement between the parties involved, both grandmas can visit but at different times to avoid conflict. As long as they understand that the ultimate goal is to relieve the pressure off the new Mom, things will fall in place. As a young African woman, I look forward to having future babies and I understand all the necessary details of tradition and customs of my people, it's almost impossible to have a fairytale marriage without trivial issues like this springing up from time to time.
In order to be able to get along with your new family(husband's family) you've to be able to accommodate some things that might be otherwise inconvenient. We'll be deceiving ourselves if we don't accept the fact that it's not easy to blend with people from a different background, upbringing and what have you. A great deal of wisdom is required to achieve this feat.
Ideally, both grandmothers should be welcomed into the new home. However, this has to be done carefully in order not to intrude or interfere with the couple's privacy. So when next you are planning to have a baby, kindly make early decisions about who to invite for your next omugwo, this will save anyone from getting disappointed as they know beforehand, it can even be rotated between the families. Like I said, whatever rocks your boat!
Cheers.
Written by Adekunbi Bello "Kunbella"
from pulse.ng - Nigeria's entertainment & lifestyle platform online
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