Ask Sarah: Why does having sex hurt so much?

Why does having sex hurt so much?

When my partner fingers me to climax, this weird thing happens.

Dear Sarah,

Sometimes when I masturbate, or when my partner fingers me to climax, this weird thing happens - My body contracts and it kind of…hurts especially in the pelvic region. I can't hold my vibrator to my clit any longer or I push my partner’s hand away, even though I feel that I could have gone deeper into the orgasm. It totally keeps me from just melting into the experience.

I'm wondering if I'm pushing myself to climax before I'm fully warmed up?

                                        

Dear anonymous,

What you need to know is that sex-related pain is actually very common among women. With that being said, however, most women suffer through it and never report the pain or see their doctor about it — so I’m glad that you reached out.

ALSO READ: How do I stop my partner from ejaculating so fast?

You don’t have to suffer through this. After all, sex is supposed to be enjoyable! The first thing I would recommend is to pay a visit to your doctor. Whenever you are experiencing any kind of unknown pain you should absolutely get it checked out.

What you’ve described sounds to me like it could be vaginismus. It’s an incredibly common condition that causes involuntary muscle spasms in your vagina and most often happens with penetration. So your partner’s fingers could definitely be triggering these spasms or even your orgasms themselves that are triggering them.

It can be hard to tell what causes vaginismus, but the most common culprit is sex-related anxiety or fear. This could have come as a result of being a late bloomer or could have even developed with one partner and then carried over to the ones that followed. But whatever the cause, you want to focus more on the solution.

ALSO READ: I keep getting dry during sex, what can I do?

After checking with your doctor, he or she will be able to make the correct diagnosis and give you some treatment ideas — which could include education, counseling, and exercises.

And, as always, make sure you are using a good lube and enough of it. Solo or with a partner, not using enough lube is a super-common source of discomfort and pain. Including more foreplay in your bedroom romps can also help to increase your own natural lubricant.



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